Becoming Four

~ fancypaperblog

I wrote this two weeks ago in the middle of a ‘Gigi is possessed’ crisis. Since then, she is in better humour and I still don’t know what happened. I found the whole experience very upsetting- your little girl suddenly treating you like the source of all her woe- and it was difficult. I can only imagine that something was going on her little world, physically or emotionally, that she couldn’t communicate to me any other way. I nearly deleted the post. Instead, I have chosen to publish it as some other parent out there may feel comfort that it is not just in their home and we are not alone when challenges occur. Gigi cuddles me again now. I have only been blamed for minor infractions this week. We are possibly back…

Gigi is officially a four year old today. Four and fabulous, with fine footwear and a fancy attitude.

Fabulous because she is my first born and changed my life. Made me both terrified and thrilled in one moment. Has given me the best part of my life.

Fine footwear because,with her, the shoes and clothes are everything. Rarely seen out and about in anything less

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than a carefully chosen dress and sparkly tights, I lost the right to select this fashionista’s morning apparel some time ago.

Fancy attitude meaning she decided to have all of her threenager moments in the seven days before turning four.

I feel pretty assaulted.

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Planning her celebrations, wrapping gifts and getting generally misty eyed and excited isn’t so nice when you have have been blamed for being the source of world sorrow repeatedly for four days.

I have been told off for:

Wanting to help. Ok- I get that. A need for independence.

Holding a paper cup so she can pour juice into it.

Tipping orange juice onto a sausage roll thereby making it all tasting of yucky (not me, classic case of accusor being the crime doer. Remember, I had wanted to hold the cup for her).

In this case I had to carry her out of a cafe with her screaming at me how she would kill me. I have never used this type of aggressive threat to my child and it saddens me that she was able to pick it up herself so quickly in our child unfriendly world. I blame Trump.

Being too bossy. All the time Mammy.

Being a baddie. (Scooby Doo’s fault).

Putting her seat belt on wrong and thereby breaking her arm. (Hyperbole plays a role here).

Talking to her sternly about being nice to people- I got really scalded for that one.

Always saying the wrong thing.

Always doing the wrong thing. (Getting a complex now).

Giving her porridge instead of Weetabix.

Making the Weetabix too small.

Giving her dinner to her sister- exact same dinner, exact same plate by the way.

Singing someone else’s song.

Knocking her over. Clarification: I brushed past her skirt. A moment later she flung herself on the floor in a dramatic move worthy of any professional soccer player. She then created a tale of my fictional violence that made me hate myself a little.

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Making her ears bleed with my noise. I was talking. Quietly.

Breaking her heart.

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And we won’t say who shot Kennedy- it was surely I.

Having said that, I know my child and this is not regular behaviour of hers (and if it is, I need to get smart). It is possibly a stage. Or a possessing. Have I blamed myself? Of course! Self-aberration is my absolute favourite activity so I most certainly indulged. Chicken pox have been clucking their venomous way around the creche recently. I have looked eagerly at every potential postule on Gigi’s face, more than hopeful it is a pock, therefore I can blame the demonic dealings of my child on disease. No such luck. The red dot is usually jam.

Or a squashed raspberry. Which was wrong of me to give her in the first place probably as I am the source of all wrongs.

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Gigi has had cake. We all have had ice cream. Singing and candles happened. Spoiling occurred. Barbie guitars played, Nella dollies loved and tea set painting parties took place.

I am not able to refuse a child a fun birthday even if her behaviour has been reckless.

She is officially four now. Universe, can I have my (mostly) even-tempered lovable little princess back please?

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Before I have to admit to stealing Shergar, knowing the true fate of the Marie Celeste or putting Trump into power?

Because it is only a matter of time.

I can only keep this vague –everything is under control, promise- face up for a short while more.

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81 thoughts on “Becoming Four”

  2. LOL happy birthday to Gigi! I don’t have kids but I remember my godchildren going through the terrible threes! Anyway, you just need to look at her sparkly shoes and tights and remember she IS a princess!

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  3. I blame Trump too.
    Happy Birthday to your little love. I would love to tell you that it is just a one time phase, but you have just experienced a little taste of the middle school into high school years. Yes, I did say years. But then, they turn into lovely adults. It’s a long and winding road full of love, mostly.

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  5. Happy birthday Gigi!
    I gotta say it, Orla, you coped very wellunder the circumstances… just wait until she can write, and you find notes on your door telling you that you specifically can’t go in because you’re evil (probably because you told your 9 year old who thinks she’s 18, she can’t wear hot pants and a boob(less) tube!

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  6. Oh Orla, I feel for you! This is hard to take at the time but it will pass. Parenting is an up and down gig and this was definitely a down period for you. I hope things continue to improve and good on you for sharing and being so honest. Good luck to you, remember you’re doing an amazing job. And happy birthday to Gigi too 🎉

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  7. I feel like every year gets worse. But then at some point it has to get better, right? My oldest is 3 and I thought “yay terrible twos are over!” But nope, it’s worse. My nephew just turned four too and he is worse again!

    But then it’s such an incredible age too, they are learning so much and becoming such amazing little humans.

    Happy birthday Gigi!

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      1. Yes!!! My little one is 14 months and now he fights with his brother. I always picked his side and said “don’t be mean to your baby brother” but now I’m watching them more closely and realising the little one is the instigator half the time!

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  8. I’m not sure this was the intention Orla, but I did chuckle at a lot if this. Mine are teens now and about to sit A abd GCSE exams next month. Everything you mentioned reminded me of times I now miss. Toddlers are ace. Everything is so black and white, awesome and new, fascinating and dreadful. As Ritu says wait until notes start appearing, and later it’s watching homework get harder and parental input becomes “You need to learn how to do that yourself!”

    Or..rationalising comes in… “You’re saying No, because you can’t be bothered aren’t you?”

    Then embarrassment…

    “Can we use the drive thru?”

    “Why all of a sudden don’t you want to go in?”

    “My mates might see you?”

    All great fun looking back… but…why do we teach them to speak? Years trying to get then doing that an£ I start regret later in lol

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    1. Am really glad you chuckled! I try to put the humour in my madness so it must have worked on some level😊
      Oh god to the rest of your points- I feel like it was only yesterday that I was doing that- being an angst-y self conscious Smashing Pumpkins loving Levi red tab butt!!
      I can remember my dad telling me I was stubborn and my mother looking at him almost ready to laugh at how he met his match!!

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      1. Ha ha, best way to be… mad and humorous! My points are err.. based on me too. I was full of angst and woe lol. Gothic music, late nights, dark rooms…. but you… stubborn…my my, you have mellowed in blogging worlds… or…if I do blogger spotlights will this be one if your random facts 😂😂

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      3. Lol… I might well use that if I expand my features into cool bloggers!! Oh… I’ve shouted you out in the Blue Sky Tag which goes live tomorrow. I never nominate bloggers insisting they do them. My preference is to say here is a blogger I like so go visit them. A free shout out if you prefer. Hope that’s ok 💖

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      5. It went live yesterday, but I’m not certain it pinged back to people. I got it almost a year ago and have a few back logged! My bad 🤔

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  9. Happy birthday to the little one. I can understand how first kid is both sources of joy and panic. That’s your first experience of parenting! I’m sure you can and will handle it well, Orla!

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  11. I’m pretty sure it’s a phase. Unfortunately, not a pleasant one, but at least you were able to give her wonderful memories of her four year old birthday. You’re a good mom. Keep your chin up, this too shall pass. And Happy birthday to Gigi! 🙂

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  12. Oh Orla! Total Sympathy, poor you. It’s funny, but only because it’s not me… this time!

    This did happen with my eldest once, knowing why only marginally helped. He told me he hated me, that he didn’t want me to be his mummy any more, that he wanted to live somewhere else and never see me again.
    (it was a time of turmoil- understandably- but me who got it in the neck)

    Thing is he still remembers it. And mentioned the guilt he has been carrying ever since. Bless him.

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    1. My friends would laugh too and I at their fun stories of hardship!
      I have heard that the kids will tell me the same as we get on. It is pretty gutting but I can remember being really hard on my parents myself.
      And 1 remember the guilt- they are hard on us because they love us most. They trust we will not take it to heart x

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  13. Those shoes are amazing!
    Happy birthday to a little princess. Elsa has quite the attitude, and she did alright for herself.
    I’ve been told by my 5 year old niece that I give her a headache… me, her!
    Well I think we all take out on those we love, so you must be very much so.

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  15. Trump gets blamed along with Brexit for many things in this house by my not so little monsters – and many years on from their 4th birthdays at times I am still the worst mother in the world! Be prepared for it to get worse, particularly once at full time school. No one gives you a manual with your baby, do they?!

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  18. I’m so glad to read your update. 🙂 Yes, kids go through their phases, and I guess we do too. We learn right along side them – whether we like it or not. The good thing is that these tough periods are generally short, and then we move on to happier times. Thanks for sharing!

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  19. It’s been nearly 40 years since I last had a four year old and I loved being reminded of that not-so-fun-stage. I was also reminded of something an uncle said to me when the boys were 4 and 7. “Don’t worry Janet. Only the first 30 years are hard. After that it gets easier.” They grow up all too fast.

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  20. Oh my goodness! Reminds me of my days working in primary school. hehe… Sorry you had to go through that. It must be a little heartbreaking when they blame you for all their troubles. Sending hugs. Glad the birthday party was a success!

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  22. It’s so difficult when they don’t know how to communicate properly how they’re feeling. I remember mine throwing the worst tantrum in the middle of town by the side of the road with everyone staring. I wanted to die- it was horrific. And what had I done so wrong? I had made her cross the road. It’s such a tough job sometimes and I have no doubt you’re acing it. Big hugs love xx

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  23. Definitely a creative little mind thinking of all these ways to blame you. It would be nice to know what they’re really thinking. In my totally unscientific opinion, I think it’s a part of determining “otherness.” Kids don’t have a sense of individuality until a certain point. Her ability to externalize blame, might be a way for her to separate herself from you. Maybe?
    But, I am glad that you shared the story. These little things that seem like thy might be just our own struggles, really are universal.

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  24. First, happy birthday to Gigi. Second OMG, mind-meld right now. Recently I posted a photo of Isla-girl. Someone said she was always smiling. Thank you, but no. Honestly, here’s to our strong-willed children and the ninja skills it takes to raise them!

    Isla is four next month. Gahd help me and the world. xox

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  28. Pingback: Embracing A Mild New Year | fancypaper

  30. But of COURSE it’s Trump’s fault. Also, I feel your pain. We once left The Child by the side of the road when she was four and had a tantrum. Honest. True, it was a teeny path beside an Indian ruin, and we could keep her in view while we climbed said ruin, but still. If anyone else had been around I’d be in jail.

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  31. It is hard not knowing how to help people you love/care about. She is pushing her boundaries which I guess is her job. I’m happy you put this post out there as I think this is part of blogging. Letting people know they are not alone. You did good.

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  32. Oh, wow. Happy Birthday to your sweet little angel (hopefully she’s being more angel than devil right now). What can we say, everything’s a phase? She’ll grow out of it? This too shall pass? It is hard tho–there have definitely been times my boys made me cry by suddenly disliking me, dissing me, making me the butt of all their jokes, and generally bullying me. I can say I found age 5 to be wonderful. Only one more year to go!

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  33. My kids are both up and down with the mummy love. One minute they love me and want cuddles..the next they hate me and don’t want me near them. Sometimes all they want is daddy especially if I have just told them off. Hope she enjoys her fifth birthday. Happy birthday x

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