When Marriage means SFA

Dear Public,

Does life ever stone wall you?bitmoji-20171107053249

Is there a time where a day, a week or even a month goes by and you hit every wall possible, enough bricks to make ten houses of stone for a smart little piggy?

Recently, there have been several occasions where my husband and I have fallen into the roundabout of no exits, as we try desperately to make progress on some of life’s red tape. On these occasions, it seems our actual marriage means SFA, if you excuse the abbreviated profanity. bitmoji-20171107053544

Here Lies the Several Occasions when Being Married to Mr Paper did not seem to Matter.

1. Loan Dealing.

My husband is building a shed for the farm. Funds are being borrowed from a local bank. The loans officer has made my husband jump and twirl through every hoop and ring possible and just when all is nearly finished the gorgon wants me to start my elephant-like arabesque routine.bitmoji-20171107060243.pngMy husband is building a shed for his cattle. It is neccessary for winter. He has gotten the loan. All is well. Except- it isn’t. As I have said, The Loan Officer has been making him hop through hoops like a barking seal, but you need to know that these hoops are misshapen and in perpetual motion. It is almost ludicrous how many bank visits we have made and forms filled. The latest issue is my proof of address. I am not the farmer. I am not using the shed. However, I am holding up the release of funds as every document I have sent in to prove where I live, is not up to scratch. Proof I live here? The home where I am cleaning, cooking, loving and living- marriage to this house and man doesn’t seem enough for this Officer.

I have offered:

A bank statement. Doesn’t count as it is from that ACTUAL bank! They posted it to my ADDRESS but it doesn’t count as proof of my address!!!!! Is this not absolute foolishness? bitmoji-20171107053708

A letter from my credit union. Nope.

Work documents (as I work for the department of education, these are government documents). My payslip. Don’t work. They are not bills.

Marriage certificate means nothing. The killer is that they have proven my address at this bank already as I have had an account with them since the age of four. My salary is paid into my account fortnightly. What do you do?


We recently took the M50 and forgot to pay the toll at a shop. We had a small fine. I called up to pay it. The E-Toll guy wouldn’t deal with me as I am not my husband, who the main license holder of the car is. I am insured on the car. Doesn’t matter. I am willing to pay. They wouldn’t listen to me. In fact, he was anxious to get me off the line as soon as possible. I am married to my husband, I protest. That doesn’t count. These are the E-Toll man’s words.bitmoji-20171107053946

3 ESB Bill

The big issue with the bank is that they want a bill in my name, with my address on. I pay a phone bill but it is all online. It is the same as my Sky bill. The electricity and heat are together under the ESB bill. This is under my husband’s name. I rang to pay the bill but they wouldn’t deal with me- I don’t have my name on the bill. I try to add my name to the account and I am certain it would be easier to get the third secret of Fatima than to accomplish this. You see, they will certainly want proof of address. Once again, being married to the bill payer doesn’t count. maze-1804499_640.jpg

4. Collecting the Children’s Allowance.

I am all gratitude and delight that this country gives an allowance to children and it is a huge help. My grump is that only I am allowed collect it. I can understand not allowing my mother, my Auntie Dottie or the milk lady go in my place. My husband though? This takes the biscuit. He is their father. We can prove it. We have birth certs. Marriage cert. Passports. No. I am the only person officially allowed collect this money. My husband is not. We are married though? No, it doesn’t count. The words of the official, once again.bitmoji-20171107054845

Marriage is such an important contract and yet in these situations, the paperwork means SFA.

I haven’t and won’t be attempted an X-tra vision account anytime soon.

Signing off,

Deeply frustrated with the system.


The PramshedPin this image on Pinterest

64 thoughts on “When Marriage means SFA

  1. Urgh. I have had similar issues (it was even worse before we were married.)

    In the UK I ended up putting most of our bills in both our names, otherwise my husband didn’t have any proof that he lived with me.You are right. It is all mad.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh dear! That sounds like an awful lot of red tape indeed. I have no clue why government rules are so ludicrously short sighted and to the letter! That bank loan thing alone would drive me up the wall and make me want to find a brick wall to bang my head against. Sigh, I hope things change. Soon.but there’s little hope of that. Right?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Smoke and mirrors, red tape and pointless gobbeldygook! The husband was indisposed when the management company called to agree the renting of a flat, the one that brings food to the table and affords us our income… “No cant speak to you he did not tick the box that says we can” phone down! Gaaahhhhha ! Never mind I’m his wife and we have been trying to let it for over a month! *stamps foot* see I get it too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am not married – and to me this sounds like a kind of madness. I’m just wondering if it is brought about because of potential legal challenges – those who are living together and have done for several years for instance? I don’t know – we live in a kafkaesque world at times

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Having been divorced for thirteen years I can’t remember (or have chosen to forget) all this hassle! However, when I tried to sort a bank issue out for my son (aged 15) I couldn’t do it as it was his account, so I sent him in after school where he was sent away because they needed to see him mum as he was under 16!!!! Oh the joy of red tape 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh my God. I so feel your pain Orla. I often run into similar issues about proof of where I live because all the household bills are in my husbands name. So frustrating! My blood pressure started to soar reading this lol! Hope you get it all sorted in the end!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. We have just had this when transferring 15 year old’s bank account to one without me on it…..so I had to be there but they wouldn’t accept any of my forms of address confirmation…..but wouldn’t take my husband’s as he wasn’t on duaghter’s account. Just crazy….and so annoying when they won’t speak to you on the phone!!! I feel your frustration x

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Financial institutions know they have you by the &*#^. Totally frustrating. They want their pound of flesh. My sister was denied a credit card (in her own name) where she worked part-time for years because the current one she was listed as Mrs husband first name YYYYY.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. hehehe I know I shouldn’t be laughing but these are sympathetic laughs. My wife is a Romanian citizen, I am a US citizen. Getting our marriage recognized in Romania required plenty of hoops as you can probably imagine. But we had to PAY for the privilege of jumping through these hoops. The bureaucrats preferred that we call them gifts, but my American palette sees them as the bribes they are. “Gifts” to schedule appointments to see the magistrate. “Gifts” to arrange a ceremony with a priest. “Gifts” to begin process to grant dual citizenship (so I didn’t have to return to the states every 3 months). Got so tedious that we hired a lawyer to finish making arrangements for us (retiring yet another substantial “gift”). In the end, totally worth it.
    Sure hope you find similar satisfaction when the funds for the shed are released. And then the fun part (constructing it))

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hahaha. Oh I feel your pains. I actually just wrote about how it took me MONTHS to get off my old phone plan and onto my husbands. It’s insane sometimes how long things take and how broken the system is. Fight on, sister!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I feel your rage! And was laughing along! These are such ridiculous rules made by some unhumam human. As long as a toll bill is paid does it really matter who by?!
    If it’s any help I’m having one of those years where everything seems to be out to stop me.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I really enjoyed reading this (and laughed, too). I agree that it can sometimes be completely ridiculous dealing with these places. Hope you get things sorted out with the bank. By the way, loved your graphics on this!


  13. When we married we thought, both having been married before, that hyphenating our surnames to make a completely fresh new one would be a really great idea… Whatever you might imagine to be difficult with this, times about 5 with bells on, has been difficult. Passports, Driving Licences, bank accounts, a new mortgage, utilities… Yep, I sympathise with all of your frustration.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Urgh it’s just so annoying isn’t it! I even had a problem the other day when picking up a parcel for my 2 year old daughter. The asked if I had some ID… as if living in the same house wasn’t enough! I explained to them that she’s 2 and doesn’t have ID… that apparently wasn’t good enough. PAH. Anyway, thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG x

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I somehow missed this and I HOPE you now have a cow shed. I also hate that system, I actually called back and just said I was him – I know the details they ask and if they wonder about my female voice and masculine name I just tell them in on an odd phone. The children allowance I know about from my mom who said it was a godsend and she saw moms that only had that because husbands drank the paycheck. I can’t say moms won’t drink too but I suppose it increases the odds.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Lord I definitely don’t drink the paycheck but I can affirm that does happen unfortunately. I am definitely doing the different voice next time. For sure! Cowshed is happening…pic to follow…took a long time!


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