Confectionary. Lovely, lovely sweeties. Such a weakness.
Am on my ‘morning out’. This is an occasion that I manage to acquire weekly at the moment. Betsy Paper is with Nana. Gigi is in playgroup. I am in the nearest town. Enjoying the freedom that travelling solo brings! One handbag. One person to safely take in and out of the car. One mouth to feed. Whereby we have a problem…this mouth feeds far too easily.
Talking about the handbag. I have released the Cracken that is changing bags when you are a Mammy! Step one in the happiness experience. I vow to wear at least one pretty item per week. Today it is my handbag. Nothing else fits…! But it does make life marginally pleasanter when I feel it on my shoulder on this morning free of responsibility. I recommend it.
You may have remembered my Apology Loop theory. It is this circle of guilt we feel as Mothers when we do things for ourselves. Well, I have just felt six guilt pangs as I write these words. Guilty that I like travelling solo. Sorry babies x Guilty that I enjoy my timeout. Am really, truly sorry. Bad that I have so much pleasure in a vintage piece of cloth. I don’t begrudge the baby bags. In fact, I have carefully chosen beautiful Spanish design ones. Yet I can’t help loving the fact my bag today holds a wallet, a brush, Caramax and a well thumbed copy of Persuasion!
Getting the morning off is a pleasurable routine that I have begun to rely on. However getting out the door is a nightmare. It’s not the babies. It is me! I don’t want to walk away! What is wrong with me??!! In fact the guilt is so strong, I need to have solid ‘reasons’ to give for my pleasurable, indulgent morning of freedom. Which is why I am sitting in the middle of a very famous weight watching class …let us call them Gait Gnashers. Or Belly Bashers. So subtle!! I sit here. I weigh in. I leave. I head to the bookshop. I hit the cafe. Counteracting? Probably. Necessary? God yes!! My leader is talking right now. I am hiding. Typing. Enjoying my morning off!
Candy Land is not a game I ever played. But it always sounded so attractive! I can clearly remember the first proper craving I ever had for chocolate. The first time I felt the need to stand up and find the deliciousness for myself. I was so young , I had to ask my Mam for it. I remember her looking at me, a puzzled expression. I was a child who rarely ate anything. Goodies included. What had occurred? Setting the scene.
It was a summer’s evening. One of those warm days when a shower comes along from the blue and you must return inside. How rude!! I was seven. I was on ‘holiday’ in my Granny’s house in the countryside. Myself and my cousins were big adventurers. Imagination led play was our skill. I now know that reading played a large role in our abilities to make games from nothing. However, that day, the rain had put a stop to our gallop outside. When this happened, we retreated to the inside. Out came the books and comics. On this occasion, I had just spent pocket money on Roald Dahl’s ‘ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’. The descriptions of Charlie’s indulgence in the sweet shop was so appealing to me, so effective. The words were so powerful. Magical even. I went to my Mother looking for chocolate. I haven’t looked back since. Which is why I am sitting in Tummy Thumpers! ! Joking aside, it is a fabulous programme that works for me. In all honesty though, I know it cannot undo the hypnotic effect Roald Dahl placed on me in 1987. You know what? I don’t want it to either!
So here I am on the morning off. My time in Candy Land. Next step? Handpick the treats. Maybe next time I will share them with you!